Force

1306:

If veganism were to be just about diet and health and a cruelty-free lifestyle we'd be selling it short.  I think it lubricates the ‘fixed-idea’ and makes the whole subject more fluid; it encourages us to  think about things-unfamiliar.  It gives us a context in which to question our confidence to try something without necessarily committing to it.  You start to cook vegan food to see if you like it, to see if you can handle it for a whole week, and then longer.  And the 'handling' runs simultaneously with learning new tricks with plant-based foods.

But, unfortunately, it brings to the surface fears and feelings of resistance.  Free-will and self discipline are tested.  It’s likely we won’t see both sides of this new 'vegan diet' dispassionately - both the advantage-side and the down-side, together.

         

If I’m wanting to be a good spokesperson for vegan principle, I want to be as honest as I possibly can.  I don’t want to give a false impression that ‘going vegan’ is easy.  In fact, my interest is in simply stimulating original thinking, and wanting to help others think for themselves.  I want to encourage people to risk a little, trial a little, and then come to their own conclusions and make their own decisions.

What I want to avoid is making anyone feel guilty or getting them to change out of fear.  Unless I can ignite some latent passion, I’d be better off not getting involved.  The crude approach would be to get aggressive about it, making it seem like an ambush.  But the even cruder approach would be the subtle pitch, looking you straight in the eye, raising my eyebrow just a little, whilst informing you that “I’m vegan”, implying that you should be one too. 

In a nutshell, the biggest thing I always want to avoid is to give a morally superior impression of myself, so that everything I say is loaded with disapproval and value-judgement.  How can anyone respond positively when cornered like this?

So, before I open my mouth I need to unravel a lot of my own attitude.  If I’m hoping that others will confidently try out what I’m suggesting, then I too must be confident of my own motives as the unsolicited ‘advisor’.  If I’m clear about that, then I can start to talk productively about this subject, about the use of animals.

         

Just because I think I’m right doesn’t mean my approach is right.  And if I think I am right, it doesn’t bestow magical powers on my arguments.  Just because I’m fearless with my words, it doesn’t make everything I say impressive.  In fact, it’s even more likely to be irritating.  If I like to see myself as radical and outspoken, and expect that to be seen as brave and admirable, I might be wrong.  It’s likely that what I’m saying and the way I’m saying it will have to be disagreed with, if only to save face.  And one more thing, when I try to make people feel ashamed, they're likely to remember that and avoid me in the future.  When I'm with you, every time I imply that I think I’m right, it reminds you that I’m boasting about my achievements.  I’m duly regarded as a bore, especially if I compound things by showing no interest in what you are saying.  When I grab all the airspace, it’s noticed. As soon as I start ‘going-on’ about my own eating habits in relation to meat-eating and animal cruelty, it turns into one big yawn.  You’ll want to stop me.  And if I won’t stop, there’ll be a fight.

To avoid this happening, I have to pre-empt such a situation - I have to ask myself some leading questions.  Like: Was this always just going to be a casual chat about anything that came up spontaneously, or did I have a hidden agenda?  Was I manipulating the whole conversation? Was I trying to make a speech?  Was I ever concerned how you'd feel if I confronted you?  Did I expect you to passively listen to me?  Did I want to bring on a fight?

         

If it was always going to be a show-down, you would never have been be interested in my arguments, you’d only ever have been interested in bursting my bubble.  Even if I'm not a bully, even if I’m as nice as pie, this subject (ethics, animals, animal food, farms, slaughtering) is not a lightweight subject.  It bears down upon one’s deepest, most profound outlooks-on-life.  In a nutshell, it points to how kind-hearted we are.

If people feel generally okay about their own life, if they see themself as a kind person, they will expect others to recognise that in them.  If I come along and suggest that meat eaters are not kind people, or not that kind of person, then my words will sound like a personal attack.  In my own head, I’m so busy crafting my arguments that I can only see one thing – that if my arguments are good then surely you MUST agree.

         

But no, you aren’t going to give way that easily.  You’re not going to casually pick up this ‘good’ idea just because I’ve hit you over the head with it.  You know you have to stand up for yourself and stand firm against anyone who attacks you.

I can converse, I can argue, I can debate our case patiently.  But I might not have your express permission to continue what I’m saying.  And if I don't pick this up, then I'll be watching for all the wrong signals.  I might see no connection happening between us.  I might notice your eyes drifting off my face, as if your mind is wandering.  I might sense that you’re beginning to feel negatively about me (just for going on too far with this subject).  It’s unlikely you’ve asked me to go on, to say whatever I feel like.  It’s more likely the subject has arisen only for it to be touched on lightly.  When I change the dynamics of the conversation, by talking too much, it’s like overstaying my welcome.  And when it's obvious that I haven't picked up your hints, you might start to panic.

         

If I do get to discuss this subject seriously, with you joining in and giving your opinion, it’s likely we'll establish that there are major differences of opinion between us.  And if things do get heated, what happens then?  Do I then try to ‘bring it on’?  Or do I take steps to prevent it getting out of hand?

Almost any discussion of this difficult subject is never just academic, because each party holds the opinion which is daily being put into practice.  For the vegan, this is a true test of how non-violent we are, how respectful of others we are.  When I get involved in such a discussion, I have to ask myself how important it is to stop myself before I stray into 'the personal', or even start to become aggressive.  It’s frustrating for me, when I get a chance to speak, to have to cut myself short before I’ve even got going.

         

So, where does it come from, my determination to say my piece, even to provoke someone in order to get a reaction?  Why, when things aren’t going my way, will I continue to be confronting?  Or if the shoe is on the other foot and it’s me being confronted, how does that make me feel?  How do I handle it?  Do I try to rescue the ‘vibe’.  Do I really value our mutual good feeling?  Do I try to defuse things when I sense things getting out of hand?  All these questions come up. How do I pull back in time?  How do I let any bad feelings blow over, especially within that vital microsecond, before things go too far?