Affection & Disaffection

1313: 

The affection and intimacy I can so easily show to a random dog or cat (usually reciprocated) is not acceptable with a person who isn't known to us.  I’m not sure a stranger would trust such a display of spontaneous intimacy.  We have to be careful to pre-think our approaches to humans because we’re afraid our motives will be misunderstood.

Even closer to home, when we're with people we know, there's still an uncertainty about many of our connections, because we aren't sure intimacy or affection will be appreciated.  We might ask ourselves, “Shall I be firm or kind with the child?” or “Can I trust my neighbour or should I set up some rules of engagement?”  We fear the nasty side in people.  I fear if I get too friendly, people will think I have ulterior motives.  If I’m too trusting I fear I’ll be taken for a ride. No such qualms with dogs and cats.

If intimacy and non-violence are to become the norm, trust is essential.  If I want to nurture trust, I must take the lead, and take the risk of initiating an atmosphere of mutual respect.  If I show intimacy and affection it has to be consistently shown.  If we are going to be friendly it's not sometimes but all times.  We have to give other people the benefit of the doubt, look for their good points, watch out for any hardness in my own words, and if we slip into a bit of aggro then we right it with affection.  Make a mistake, see the light go out in their eyes, fess up and turn it around.  Our aim is surely to speed up non-violence and bring that to a point where it's all about empathy.  Take that to its logical conclusion and we arrive at the point where we are pleasant to be with, we hold views which are sympathetic for exploited animals and we establish a norm of which veganism plays an obvious part.

If we come across this way, when we are showing our support for the hard-done-by animals, then what we have to say will be easier to accept.  If we drop that, if we become impatient, our 'hard' side will show and we blow it.  As soon as we decide to no longer be intimate and affectionate and start to treat people coldly they’ll only notice that.  However smart our arguments might be, all they'll see is that we've stepped towards the very violence we say we're so against.