affection & disaffection

The affection and intimacy we reserve for our much loved pet is the same affectionate interaction we’d like to have with our fellow humans, neighbours and work colleagues. But we haven’t quite got there yet. Haven’t quite got that level of intimacy where we can meet a new human and automatically tickle him/her under the chin or stroke his/her hair (as we do to dogs)! We are far more reserved! In our human relationships we don’t always act spontaneously. We pre-think action, perhaps because we are afraid of one another. “Shall I be firm with the child or draw out their inner kindness?”. “Shall I trust my neighbour or set up rules of engagement?”. It’s about safeguards. It’s about being prepared for the appearance of the nasty side in people. The most dangerous thing we can do is trust. A dog is so loyal and guileless that however friendly we are, it’s never enough. They always want more of the same. But with humans it isn’t so. If we get too friendly, people think we have ulterior motives. And we think that if we are too trusting, we’ll be taken for a ride. But trust is essential for non-violence to get a foothold. We can make a start by giving other people the benefit of the doubt. Looking for the good points, making what we do satisfying and if any sneaky violence creeps in, we overcome the worst of it with affection. But is all this approach a luxury? There’s so much work to do? So much need for efficiency? We fear wasting energy just as we fear lost time and when patience fails we go in hard instead. With that one decision, to no longer be intimate and affectionate, we behave coldly and in that way we step towards violence.