Cynical Rules of Parenthood:

1722:

Number One: Don’t encourage your child to make the connection between animals and the food you feed them.

Number Two: Tell the kids as little as possible about animal farming.

Number Three: If you want to keep a child’s dreams alive, hold their memory of that fine summer day, at the farm, with the little piggies. The memory is priceless.

Number Four: Encourage the kids to fit in.

With these rules of childhood, you can guarantee they'll grow up overweight and enter adulthood aiming to work hard to ‘bring home the bacon’, without a second thought.