Permission withheld

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If there are no questions asked, no “Please explain what vegan means”, then why volunteer any answers if it’s likely to set off a quarrel? In truth, I suppose vegans are always looking for an excuse to have a dust-up, to ‘bring it on’. But for omnivores, when they notice the mood of a conversation changing, there’s ALARM. 

“So, nice chat, and thanks for letting it deteriorate into warfare!”

            With some vegans, we welcome a fight. We have a devil-may-care attitude to those we wish to engage. We don’t care if our bring-it-on damages a friendship. We might calculate that we need to say one thing only, to make it stick, to start a change. One win.

            If only it were that easy!

The much longer route is not as destructive, not as risky and yet not necessarily productive of good results either. But if, in a conversation, there’s trust and open-ended permission, then at least we can get into a gloves-off discussion. The way is made clear for taking a few risks without taking unnecessary risks with the long term relationship. Permission to talk boldly about this subject must be mutual and, if not directly spelt out, sensed.

Vegans always hope to engineer real conversational events and, to be honest, they do sometimes happen, but usually only in safety zones with close friends or family. Outside one’s circle however, just how much trust can we expect, seeing that there has been so much evangelising in the past?

I’ve got a slogan on a coffee mug at home and it says: “Risk: Take calculated risks ... that’s quite different from being rash”.

            Being rash, as in forcing someone to listen to me talking about this subject, is about not caring how someone else will react to me. This is sloppy tactics. It’s like the bible-basher’s foot in the door, to stop it being shut against them.

Once we’re given the go-ahead to speak freely we can find the corner of anyone’s heart, and have a fair chance of someone listening to us. No go-ahead and we get the opposite - “Don’t be ridiculous. Why listen to what you’ve got to say we when others tell us differently, when’s there’s no pressure coming from any recognised authority, like science, school or church? Why should anyone listen to you?”