A Carnivore's Christmas

1879

A new song that can be sung to the tune of The Lumberjack

I’m a carnivore, and I don’t care for

New Age food, vegetarian fare,

Kentucky Fried Chicken and six Big Macs, and

Flesh to suck and bones to crack.

I eat what I like and I like what I eat,

A lifetime’s diet of flesh and meat

And a ho-ho-ho, a hey-ey-ey,

It’s made me what I am today.

I drink and eat and have my fill of

Animal food and fish and fowl,

Just eat all day and eat more still, and

Belch and fart from an upset bowel,

D’gesting, resting, here I lay,

Filled to the brim with animal prey.

And a ho-ho-ho, a hey-ey-ey,

It’s made me what I am today.

I got my hen to drop an egg, and I

Had it fried on toast,

Then I wrung her neck, ah, what the heck,

I had the old girl roast.

I made a sauce for that old chook,

And had it fricassee.

And a ho-ho-ho, a hey-ey-ey,

It’s made me what I am today.

The butcher’s shop is high in prices,

Carcasses and bacon slices,

Bought some gammon made from pig

To have it with my toast and a hard-boiled egg.

Fried that bacon, but sorry to say,

It’s thick and soft and a nasty grey.

And a ho-ho-ho, a hey-ey-ey,

It’s made me what I am today.

In a field of cows as I drove past, in a

Daisy field wiv long green grass,

And in that field they can’t go far, from

A barbed wire fence and the abattoir,

They’ll die tomorrow, come what may,

Sold to McDonalds, no delay,

And a ho-ho-ho, a hey-ey-ey,

It’s made me what I am today.

And as for the fish in the river and the sea,

Hooked and netted for you and me,

In slippery piles on greasy decks,

They suffocate, but what the heck,

Fry ‘em up nice in the same old way

But a bit too toxic, so they say.

And a ho-ho-ho, a hey-ey-ey,

It’s made me what I am today.

Now I got a stomach, the biggest in town,

Full of food if I can keep it down,

But the trouble is I feel so ill

The doctor gave me a special pill,

To help digest and defecate, all the

Drink I drunk and the food I ate

And a ho-ho-ho, a hey-ey-ey,

It’s made me what I am today.

And now it’s Christmas fun and joy, for

All the kids both girl and boy

But feed them rice and lentil stew

And sure, they’ll scream for barbeque

They want their turkey with red sauce

And chips with everything of course

So it’s ho-ho-ho, a hey-hey-hey

We carnivores are here to stay.