Engaging in conversation

1428: 

If I say you should stop eating animals, I'm proposing a major change in your lifestyle and eating habits.  I’m not only alluding to the wrongness of animal slavery, I’m also saying animal food is crap food.  You don’t necessarily want to hear this, but that’s what I want to talk about.

         

So, I want to stimulate debate, encourage others to discuss these issues.  I want: they don’t want.  This means I’ve got a big job on my hands.  I’m doubly careful that my motives come across as genuine, and that I’m not into self aggrandisement or wanting to score points by being clever.  All I need to do is convince you I’m only wanting to engage you, on this subject, NOT to win an argument with you.  To me it’s only your benefit that interests me.  For me it’s not a win-win game.  I’m not trying to get the first punch in.  I don’t want to force a submission, quite the opposite.  My interest is in listening to people’s genuine concerns and, beyond that, to find out how to talk matters through without too much high emotion.

         

I won’t be coy.  This is an emotional issue.  Therefore I want to see a free flow of ideas and opinions.  Let them come as they may, without too much criticism.  Each idea flowing on, by developing out of the previous comment.  (Surely, any good conversation develops that way).  So, if we’re ‘discussing’ Animal Rights, we’re all learning something.  Importantly we’re also learning how to listen to each other.

         

Since it’s not a ‘win-win’ game, it has to feel a bit vulnerable - for my part, I don’t want to look too alert in case you think I’m eagle-eyeing you, waiting for you to make a mistake, which I can then correct.  No, I don’t want to prove anyone’s opinion is wrong.  And I don’t want you to think I’m just waiting for my turn to jump in to say what I want to say.

         

Even if I’m feeling personally (or we vegans are feeling collectively) marginalised, it’s no surprise, or it shouldn’t be.  We are, after all, minor players with what are regarded as minor issues, in a sea of major players (all of whom are omnivores).  I feel especially isolated when I merely mention the ‘v’ word.  I can feel so utterly out-gunned by the confidence they have, simply by their being in the majority.  For that reason alone I never try to crush the opposition view, because certainly when I try they will fly.  Away.  Because they can. Away to their corner of conformity, because that's the safe corner.

         

Vegans are up against an impenetrable wall of convention-opinion and attitude.  So, we have to be a bit ‘canny’, and not become too pushy, even when, especially when, we can.  We don't have to be too quick to say something irrefutable.  It’s so subtle, especially when we’re talking to a friend, and for them to already know where we stand on these issues.

         

I find in an ordinary, everyday conversation, I’m largely unselfconscious, in as much as I speak spontaneously.  When you think about it, it’s incredible - you say something and before I’ve thought up a reply I’ve already replied.  In other conversations on other subjects, where I’m not so confident, I still need to be speedy for fear that, otherwise, you’ll think I need time to make up my mind.  If I make a speedy response, you will think I 'm confident.  But, if I'm confident and quick, that might give me the impression that I can slip in something I want to bring up - namely 'the animal thing', allowing me to be a bit provocative.

Animal Rights is all-provocation, but by bringing it up or expressing it too hard, I can strain my relationship or friendship with you.  And it works in the opposite way too.  I hate offending anyone, least of all friends.  But I don’t like inhibiting my freedom of speech.  I don’t like walking on egg shells, with everything I say becoming too tentative.  Nothing useful is achieved with timidity.

         

The parent of adult children often has to hold their tongue, to minimise any strain on relations with over-confident offspring - if an argument arises, and the younger person’s defence barriers go up too quickly, the parent ‘smells’ danger and they’re obliged to back off.

         

So, what I’m saying is that it’s rather the same when trying to talk (to the uninitiated) about animal rights or vegan principles.  We get into scrapes. We can easily forget that we're in a delicate position, and realise too late that we must defuse the situation before it flares up.  Especially so, when discussing Animal Rights.