Discuss values

We often hear “It’s just human nature”, implying that it would be futile to try to change certain behaviours, implying that anyone going against the norm (who is in the minority) will inevitably find themselves between a rock and a hard place. But it works both ways. Those who stay with the conventional meat-eating diet are faced with a worse choice, between agreeing with enslaving animals for meat and a guilty conscience for going along with it. This is where confusion hits hardest, for young people especially. They pick up habits by observing their elders but have to wonder why so called ‘ethical’ behaviour is inconsistent at certain times – some values are great, others appear to be so obviously unethical. Kids can’t help disrespecting some of the things adults do because they find themselves questioning what are supposed to be good values.
As adults we prize values. They are the yardstick by which we assess and are assessed. These values are connected with how we want others to see us. It’s likely we do things ethically because we want to feel good about ourselves. We want to win approval, for instance, by developing a good sense of humour and by being kind and generous. This is how we show how rounded we are, and how well we’ve adopted a system of values. We’re judged favourably for them and if we display them consistently we get a good reputation. Adults need to be seen as strong but fair – we want to develop our soft and our hard sides, so we try to be angels-cum-warriors. To achieve this image we have to learn not just the nuts and bolts of acquiring image, but how to genuinely benefit others over a prolonged period. We need rules that are feel-good rules, that we revere, as if passed down through the generations. We rely on proven guidelines that have worked well throughout history and which today still feel right, as if they’ve sprung straight from instinct. But today, with so many confusions and double standards, we have to be much more clear about what ethics we are going to follow. In this modern age instincts aren’t always enough to formulate our ethics and so we need to talk things through with others. We need to discuss them in the relaxed and friendly atmosphere of conversation. What we don’t need is for certain topics to be forbidden for discussion. What we don’t need is an unexpected explosion because we’ve raised a tricky subject. Agreeing and disagreeing are all part of the process of assessing values. We don’t so much need to agree or disagree with others’ values as we need to find others willing to talk about them with us.