Platefuls of guilt

772:

Guilt is wrapped around our food today, guilt that it’s making us fat, guilt that it’s linked to animal cruelty, guilt that it’s killing the planet. But we have to eat; we eat what is there; we trust what tastes good IS good. Because food is so routine and seductive we want to eat it rather than think about it. We cut down on the rich foods if we don’t want to put on weight, but otherwise foods aren’t usually avoided if we like them. That is, until someone suggests that some of our foods are tainted. No one’s suggesting the Government sprinkles zombie-dust in the water supply or feeds animals hallucinogens that pass onto people, no, but ‘tainted’ in another way. You know what I mean. So you may be faced with the question: the table is laden with yummy foods but should some of them be boycotted?

            What a killer-of-joy I can be. Imagine our friends are getting married, and as the one vegan at the wedding reception, I’m avoiding ALL food since none of it can be trusted. At weddings and catered events there’s usually nothing reliable to eat. Whereas at home we eat well, yet only things we agree with.

            If you aren’t vegan then you will probably enjoy the wedding feast, sample the exotic dishes, eat your fill and all without the need to know any details about the food. But, as you are tasting everything, eating pleasurably, suddenly a dark cloud passes across your sun. Whilst eating, you look up and notice someone standing aside from the crowd, and certainly not holding a plate. You recognise me.

            I recognise your face, walk over, start talking but I’m now trying NOT to notice what you are putting in your mouth, I’m trying hard NOT to draw attention to the disparity between us; me pointedly NOT eating, while you are trying to stuff as much free food into your mouth as you can whilst still chatting. The matter of food has to come up (“Not eating?”). How can I not explain why?

            Here you are, were, attempting to enjoy yourself, and now you’re being reminded that some of the items on your plate “once had a face”. That’s bad enough but the more you talk, the less you can eat, and the less you eat the more is being snatched away by others.

            Here we are, standing together, trying to have a conversation, and you all the time thinking that I’m judging you, for eating crap at this wedding feast. But in fact I’m struggling to NOT think that way, because I’m much more interested in observing the whole scene; discussing Animal Rights at a wedding reception is pretty much inappropriate. If I want to talk animals I’ll leave that for another time. I often wonder how other vegans get on with animal-eaters at social events. I really can’t hazard a guess.

            If I’m making any judgement at all, which I’m trying not to do, then it’s nothing to do with you as a person. It’s nothing to do with the way you talk, the way you dress or anything else. Nothing about you makes me feel awkward. No, it’s not anything about you, just what’s on your plate and I’m trying not to make mention of that (let alone smell the awful smell of it, or the look of it). It’s more likely that you, not I, will feel compelled to mention the food. It reminds me of the situation I once found myself in, being with someone with a facial deformity and trying to pretend I hadn’t noticed, because any allusion to it would be gauche. So, here you are, at this wedding. You are eating in public and showing, by doing that, how well you fit in with others. If there’s a vegan lurking about (who might know you), then you might be in trouble. But otherwise ‘enjoy-enjoy’.

            Unlike the food you eat at home where there’s no one else to see, eating in public is another matter. Here it’s what’s showing that might cause problems. That plate of food shows. So, by eating what you don’t necessarily agree with, you think my seeing you do that will make me want to attack you for it.

From my point of view, I need to keep one step ahead of ANY of this happening. Certainly I don’t ‘do’ attacks on anyone. Certainly not when I’m a guest somewhere. I suppose I’ve come to the conclusion that I’d be better off not attending, and therefore not having to eat or not-eat in public, at such events as wedding receptions.