When eyes glaze over

1547: 

When I start talking about animals I’m familiar with ‘that look’, when eyes glaze over, as if to say, “We don’t have to listen to this crap”.  The situation - I’m socialising, perhaps offered some food, and the time has come for me to say what I have to say.  But is this the best time to bring up the subject?  It might be, but there again, it might not be, since the matter of approach is very tricky.  I suggest we might be direct, up-front and risk being intrusive.  Or if we go the other way, be subtle, careful and risk never getting near enough to be heard.

I might say something like, “…but should we be eating animals?”  It’s strange how sometimes the door isn’t quite shut in my face, because people are often wanting to ‘bring it on’, fascinated to hear what my next line of 'crap' will be.  Usually they want to see if they can match it and, with the support of others being guaranteed, they hope to squash whatever I say.  But, by participating at all, they often have something else up their sleeve; they’re trawling for material.  There's nothing like a good story to tell sympathetic friends - what we might have said on the subject could be good for recycling, as a story round the dinner table.  “This ‘vaygn’ came to dinner the other night and do you know what he said”?

It’s a story that can be exaggerated for effect, no one actually being interested to hear what the screwball vegan was saying about eating animal foods.  The story is never going to stray anywhere near what was being said seriously - it's just a story meant for laughs.

So if I don’t want to be ignored or be the butt of jokes, perhaps I have to take the initiative.  At the outset, I can pre-empt or participate in the joke to defuse it. I can disparage all animal-based foods, just as a dentist advises children not to eat sweets, without disparaging the people themselves.  If there's going to be jokes told, why not take the initiative?  When offered some ‘animal’ food, we can mock our alarm with, “I don’t think so”, implying some dreadful social blunder on their part.  

They can't help but laugh.  If a joke is to be made, then why not ask mock our question with, “It’s dead animal isn’t it?”, but with just enough tone in the voice to keep it humorous.  We don't need to start a quarrel, just be a little provocative.  And pre-emptive.

Each situation is different, each is judged as to how far we reckon we can go and still get away with it.  By being pro-active, we never feel offended.  If we come across as a bit edgy, it will be obvious that we’re testing the waters, to get a bit of spirited repartee going, whilst leaving enough room so they can bite back.  Then we’ll have our own stories to tell over a round of drinks, using their comments and reactions as material for a good laugh, just as they will with ours.

If we're given the bum’s rush, at least we'll know we’ve tried to challenge them but done it with some HUMOUR.  Somehow, we have to scotch that dour, over-serious image. It's not as if we are making light of a serious matter but simply defusing the piss-taking, and giving them back as good as they give us.

In reality though, we do have to come to terms with something difficult, for us.  We have to find our own way of dealing with the emotional impact of being rejected.  It’s infuriating.  And when there’s no chance to make humour, because it's all too deadly serious, then we must be prepared for what happens next.  Eyes stare back blindly at us.  Nothing is taken up, no reactions made, no insults passed, no comments made.  They simply tune out.  We can see we're having zero impact on them.

Of course, they may be quite happy to be as they are.  We're the ones wanting to bring up the subject of ‘animals’ and the need for change.  So it's they who have every right to slam the door in our face.  We are, after all, trying to invade their private world.  So, if we become exasperated and try to barge into their world, throw a few insulting remarks at them, comment on what they eat, ignite guilt and provoke fear, we can expect something nasty to be thrown back.  It will simply be a due response to an unprovoked attack.  And as we fail to bring them around we perhaps, also, lose them entirely.