When eyes glaze over

 1135: 

When I start talking about animals I’m familiar with ‘that look’ I get, when their eyes glaze over, as if to say, “we don’t have to listen to this crap”.

I might be out socialising, and perhaps I’m offered some food, and I dare to bring up the subject.  I edge towards it at first, “not for me, thanks”, but when I see that no one is picking up, I go about things less subtly; I might say something like, “…But should we be eating animals?”  Have I gone too far, uninvited, using the offer of food as a springboard to launch into my animal rights spiel?  Rude?  Would I be surprised if the door were shut in my face?

But sometimes it isn’t, because people are often wanting to ‘bring it on’.  They’re fascinated to hear what my next line of argument will be, to see if they can match it or squash it.  If the door is open to discussing the subject, I’m often aware that they’re trawling for material; they’re interested in recycling the ‘story’ with mates, later, when I’m gone.  “This ‘vaygn’ came to dinner the other night and do you know what he said? ...”.  It’s a story that can be exaggerated for effect (no one being actually interested to hear what he actually said).

Was I being rude to mention the ‘animal thing’ at a social event?  Perhaps.  But when we vegans do bring up the subject in a social setting, we expect it to go down like a lead balloon.  But we don’t want to be ignored entirely.  Amongst friends, we assume the role of bringing them up to speed, on this animal-food thing.  Maybe?

If I decide to air the subject, in public, perhaps then I have to take the initiative by being a bit cheeky, light hearted and even disparaging of the animal-based foods they’re eating.  It’s done in a fairly light way, never disparaging of the people themselves, of course.  We can have a lot of fun with this subject of food, refusing it, giving our reasons, simply saying “No.  I don’t think so”, as if they’ve made a social blunder by even having it there, let alone offering it.

We can act a little dumb. That always works wonders.  “It’s dead animal isn’t it?” ... but with just enough tone in the voice to keep it humorous.

I’m not out to start a quarrel or cause offence, but I am out to be a little provocative.  Each situation is different, each is judged as to how far we can go and still get away with it.  My rule is to be pro-active but never offensive.  I like to be a bit edgy, always ready to enter spirited repartee.  And in good spirit take a bite out of their attitudes whilst leaving them enough room to bite back.  I think that’s fair, it’s healthy, and if I’m given the bum’s rush, I know at least I’ve tried to test the waters as well as possible, and with some humour.

In reality though, I have to come to terms with the emotional impact of being rejected.  I see the subject seriously.  For me, outright rejection is infuriating.  Sometimes all I can see in front of me is a blank look, a resistance, even a maddening smirk.  And when there’s no chance to make humour of it, and it’s all deadly serious, I get prepared for what’s about to happen - that’s when eyes don’t glaze over but stare blindly.  These are hardened meat-heads, on whom I’m having zero impact. I can see them tuning out.  I can foresee how they’re also about to slam the door in my face, not because of my beliefs but because they feel I’m trying to invade their privacy.  If I become exasperated and try to barge past their defences, dig right into their guilts and fears, I’ll not only fail to bring them round but I’m likely lose them entirely.

That’s the trouble with the health-talk, fear-of-personal-illness approach, because we’re selling our philosophy short.  I am not trying to change people’s attitudes by making them feel guilty or afraid, because it only makes them run away.

Today many young people still have the health of their youth (not worried about food doing damage to them) and aren’t yet so consumed with guilt about animals (having not been totally responsible for the food they’ve been eating whilst under adult provision).  They identify with their peers, and especially those with attractive personalities who ‘eat cool’.  Wowsers, including vegans, may not be seen as ‘cool’, especially if the animal activist is seen as one who is in a bad temper ... which is why I don’t want to come across as frustrated, assertive or as a moral preacher.  But if I can get up close, flak or no flak, I’ll take my chance to say what I want to say.

But what to say, and when best to say it?

Over dinner, Animal Rights is tabooed, because it deals with ethics and values and self-disciplines … and free-willed people don’t like being told what to eat, when eating.  So it might seem like an appropriate time to make comments, but meal times are also a time when our comments will be most resented.