Affection & Disaffection

1003: 

The affection and intimacy we all so easily show to a dog or cat is more inhibited when it comes to humans.  If we don’t have the same invitation from others, we don’t show them quite the same level of intimacy.  We might not be prepared to take the initiative.  People, even kids today (and perhaps with good reason!), don’t trust spontaneous intimacy.  We are more likely to pre-think our interactions.  Perhaps we’re afraid of one another.

Even closer to home, firstly with people we know, intimacy-levels have to be established.  Do I hug my friends when I meet them, kiss them, shake their hands?  Should I be soft and gentle with kids or be stricter, firmer?  Do I trust my neighbour enough to be friendly or should I establish some distance between us?  Perhaps we fear that if we get too friendly, people will think we have ulterior motives.  Or if I’m too trusting there’s a fear in me that I might be taken advantage of.

If we are ever to break down our barriers, if we want intimacy and non-violence to be the norm, then we must trust ourselves and our motives, and then go on to trust that others will read our signals and respond accordingly.  If I want to nurture trust, I must take the lead. I must show intimacy and affection, not sometimes but at all times.  Perhaps I must be prepared to risk my reputation, give other people the benefit of the doubt, consistently look for the good points in others, and be more aware of myself when interacting; I have to be sure there’s no aggro in my own words, and if I make a mistake, I must right it with apology and affection.

All this we have to do if we want to prove our deeper aim - to emphasise non-violence and affection.  If we want to break down alienation, there needs to be no disaffection but lots of empathy.

All this must be ‘danced’, human to human.  If we can get it right with one another then we stand a better chance of applying it in the form of empathy-with-animals.  Whether we feel close to the plight of humans or closer to animals, we can learn from each other, from those who have a different inclination from ourselves; this is where vegans can learn to be warmer to their fellow humans and where the omnivore can feel more affection for the animals they’re consuming.  We oil the wheels of non-violence with affection.  In the end, it’s only by upping our affection that will transform us into truly compassionate people.