Eating out

209:

I go to peoples’ places and I’m offered the usual snacks and drinks. “No thanks”.
‘Stunned’ is the best word to describe the reactions i often get. I’m met with utter incomprehension ... when I decline some ‘cheesy-bit’ on a plate. These are famous cheesey-bits which everyone else has dived for. What can I say? But if pressed, as soon as I give my reason I’m labelled weird. At a social event, someone might race around, to find me something I can eat. But most people are defenders of the faith and secretly resent my finicky eating habits ... for that’s what they turn this into.
From what could be a simple “ah, you’re vegan” and a recognition of the compassion-angle, we get to the other extreme, irritation ... at me being ‘fussy over my food’. I don’t get asked why I’m fussy. That steps into a dangerous area, knowing animal-cruelty is a public problem. They know to steer clear. In fact most people will only discuss it on their terms, with agree-ers, not with us. So, socially, vegans are a problem. They (that’s everyone, just about) knows it’ll lead to uncomfortable-ness.
Those ‘cheesey snacks at the party’ and me refusing to eat them and they wondering if it’s something to do with nutrition. You could call it the “It’s healthier being vegetarian”-angle. They might expect to hear about animal-food containing too much fat or sugar or being too high in protein, harmful to health … etc. What they may NOT expect is when the Animal Rights-angle. Talking ‘hens-in-cages’ spells feeling-uncomfortable.
So, as a vegan, as a potentially socially threatening person I’m not often asked out. Ouch! And when I am I don’t get asked for my reasoning behind my food choices. I don’t think I’m an especially unlikeable person but (in a potential talk-off) I’d probably be regarded as a social pariah. I hope they know me well enough to know I don’t go around looking for a fight ... not unprovoked in private situations ... whereas I’ll certainly do that in the public arena, given half a chance.
I’ll never be the one to bring the subject up ... and if they do, I’ll pursue it, with my reply, no longer than their interest is evident or they’ve finished asking questions. It’s easy to become a bore on the matter.
For my part I don’t see myself as a punch-bag, I wouldn’t let anyone get away with saying something outrageously contrary to how I see things. Also, for my part, I hope I’ll never merely be a dull reporter of facts. I’d much rather be a self-deprecating punch-bag if only to absorb some of the grief, that’s all ... because I know and you know what we’re really talking about here.
I know you know the nub of this matter, and the power in what vegans have got to say, regarding foods being eaten. However, releasing too much too soon too emotionally is a trap, in my opinion. My own private incredulity at all this (I never cease to be amazed!) must NOT be shown. On any account. I’d put it as strongly as that.
They know we know ... that their foods make them fat, and encourage heart disease, diabetes and sometimes cancer. Discussing this! No sensible person would go there. To talk about all this, to get to a point where the subject is about to be raised (meaning that to do raise it is really okay by you) I’d need to know one thing. One thing about you. That you could take the shock. If you allowed me to shock you, you’d be showing great faith in me as a friend, especially since this isn’t a permission you’d give lightly.
Wouldn’t it be awful if people were so naive that they didn’t know that vegans were NOT simply avoiders-of-meat ... and for them to wander into a minefield - to be blasted by our cannon. “Shock the bastards”.
No way, I’d say. Shocks like that are rarely forgiven. So, the non-violent way to do all this is - well, that’s the eternal question for the vegan animal activist.
My solution may go something like this:
I must have up my sleeve a couple of interesting points, facts, something to catch the attention. It’s what good teachers in classrooms have at the start of a lesson. We are attracting. We’re on the board-walk. We’re selling veganism. We’re trying to make it irresistible ... so attractive that they must TRY it. And ... in trying it of course they get hooked.
For the advocate, full of good intention, the traps are, in order of appearance: it’s too easy to show off; it’s too easy to make sweeping statements; it’s too easy to be outrageous. At this early stage in Animal Rights consciousness we probably don’t need to draw that much fire. We don’t need to make it too easy (for our good omnivore friends) to change the subject. I never like to get bogged down in fine details ... because it too nicely avoids dealing with ‘the more uncomfortable matters’.
As animal activists we won’t be able to satisfy every inquirer’s questions about diet and nutrition and health, although we should try. I reckon our best approach is to appeal to the heart. The kid in us, who wants to be doing stuff that makes us most happy, that’s our best draw card. Our job, as vegans, is to assure people of the general safety and health of a plant-based diet, and then move on to explain all that stuff about how animals are treated as machines, etc, sprinkling in instances of the fun of being a vegan. The main attraction boils down to this: “You’d be mad not to try”