The Loneliness of Being a Vegan

1799: 

Edited by CJ Tointon

Vegans often lead a lonely life - but it's a life of our own choosing. Loneliness is not something we vegans like to talk about, but nothing will ever advance if we keep things locked away in the closet. There are just so many more non-vegans than vegans these days. 

Vegans can be boastful, conceited and righteous. But maybe when some of us are a bit 'showy', we are only using it as a cover for feeling 'alone'. Unless one is surrounded by a group of simpatico people, one can often feel alone and unwilling to admit it. 'Alone' is often equated with being a loser or not being able to make friends. I think for some people this might be a valid enough reason for NOT becoming vegan. Bear with me here - I'm not saying that all vegans are lonely nor that it's necessarily sad when they do feel that way; but we need to look at the isolating place many of us put ourselves in. It's rather as if we've taken on the burden of a chronic illness. For most of us, however, there just isn't any choice. The drawbacks are self-inflicted, but we know we can draw some comfort from the many compensations which come with the vegan package.

This alone-illness is something vegans have to put up with and get used to. It helps if our mood is positive (remembering that we're doing this for the oppressed animals). But if the mood isn't right, then it might be something we never get used to and which can cause us great damage.

The World Vegan Revolution isn't about to start any time soon. It just isn't plausible; so current vegans might be lonely for many more years to come. I'm suggesting that the trick is to not let this factor dominate, because what we actually have is the opposite of loneliness. It's a feeling of 'oneness with nature' ranging far beyond anything our fellow non-vegans can ever hope to enjoy. But I also suggest that it's only possible if we (at least) like others.

Some vegans might think this is impossible since we have valid reasons for not liking non-vegans. They are complicit in the killing of our innocent animal friends after all. But whatever our reasoning, I still suggest that if we dislike non-vegans, we're in trouble! Yes - they are all implicated to a greater or lesser extent in The Great Crime; but if we dislike them, they're sure to feel it and, in turn, won't want to be our friends. And can any of us (honestly) say that we don't need friends? No man or woman is an island.

Vegans risk everything by disliking others. There are just so many 'others' out there. Disliking them all is simply self-defeating. On the face of it, it seems obvious that we should show disapproval of those who abuse animals. In its extreme form it's a 'hating of the meatheads'. But what are we left with when the hatred burns out? We're left with a sense of righteous pride, sure; but can this compensate for the feeling of aloneness?

I think the real problem here is connected to 'mood'. Mood determines how we feel. If our fine intellectual philosophising and 'rightness' in being vegan isn't enough to stop our dark moods, we can fall into a downward spiral that we might find impossible to struggle out of. It's likely it will prevent us feeling warm and altruistic about others, especially if we perceive them to be better-off than we are.

It's great if there are factors in our life which make us happy. Our daily mood can then be better placed to alleviate feelings of aloneness. But to arrive at a state of happiness and draw strength from it, presupposes that we're determined to head in a positive direction - come what may. And this means shedding negatives, particularly when we find ourselves resorting to disliking those who aren't in agreement with us. If we aren't day-to-day 'happy', it's likely we'll be using our most judgmental, most negative feelings to compensate for the disappointment of having to live amongst the 'meathead' population. Then life is reduced to getting satisfaction from fighting, denigrating and confronting the intransigent speciesist. It's like punching water - it makes no appreciable impact and we fail to achieve any of the results we want.

As vegan plant eaters and cotton wearers, we are primarily non-violence advocates. Our 'peace thing' concerning animals also means we need to reach a 'be-happy-with-all-humans' state of mind, however difficult we may find this to be. We're OK about being friends with the animals - but with people? We just have to find a way of being at peace with them too. The contradiction is apparent. We have to like the unlikeable. But if we find a way of doing this, it will surely lead us towards some increase in our own happiness, or at least towards a state of partial contentment. Then our disagreements with those whose value base is different from ours won't cause us so much personal grief. Then our 'good mood' will save us from feeling so alone and help us get used to the feeling of being marginalised. Maybe then we'll be able to better handle the infuriating delay and the probability that it's going to be like this for a long time to come. 

As vegan plant-eaters and cotton-'eaters', we are primarily non-violence advocates. Our 'peace' thing concerning animals also means we need to reach a be-happy-with-humans state of mind, however difficult we may find that to be. We're okay about being friends with the animals, but with people? We have to find a way of being at peace with them, too. The contradiction is apparent, almost as if we have to like the unlikeable. But if we find a way of doing just that, then it will surely lead us towards some increase in our own happiness, or at least towards a state of partial contentment. Then, our disagreements with those whose value base is different from ours won't cause us so much personal grief. Then, our mood will save us from feeling so alone and help us get used to the feeling of being marginalised. And then, we'll be able to better handle the infuriating delay - the probability that it's going to be like this for some time to come.