Engaging in conversation

152:

If I say you should stop eating animals, I propose a major change in your lifestyle and eating habits. I’m not only alluding to the wrongness of animal slavery, I’m also saying animal food is crap food. You don’t necessarily want to hear this, but that’s what I want to talk about.
So, I want to stimulate debate, encourage others to discuss these issues. I want: they don’t want ... which means I’ve got a big job on my hands. I’m doubly careful that my motives seem genuine, that I’m not into self aggrandisement or wanting to score points by being clever. All I need to do is convince you I’m only wanting to engage you, on this subject, NOT to win an argument with you. To me it’s only your benefit that interests me. For me it’s not a win-win game. I’m not trying to get the first punch in. I don’t want to force a submission ... quite the opposite. My interest is in listening to people’s genuine concerns and, beyond that, to find out how to talk matters through without too much high emotion.
I won’t be coy, it is an emotional issue ... therefore I want to see a free flow of ideas and opinions flying around. Each idea, flowing on by developing out of the previous comment. (Surely, any good conversation develops that way). So, if we’re ‘discussing’ Animal Rights we’re all learning something. Importantly we’re also learning how to listen to each other.
Since it’s not a ‘win-win’ game it has to feel a bit vulnerable - for my part, I don’t want to look too alert in case you think I’m eagle-eyeing for you to make a mistake ... which I can then correct. No, I don’t want to prove anyone’s opinion is wrong. And I don’t want you to think I’m just waiting for my turn, to jump in, to say what I want to say.
Even if I’m feeling personally (or we vegans are feeling collectively) marginalised, it’s no surprise, or it shouldn’t be. We are, after all minor players with, what are regarded as, minor issues, in a sea of major players (all of whom are omnivores). I feel especially isolated when I merely mention the ‘v’ word. I feel so utterly out-gunned by the confidence they have by simply being in the majority. For that reason alone I never try to crush the opposition view ... because, as sure as hell, when I try they fly. Because they can. Conformity is always safe.
Vegans - we’re up against an impenetrable wall of opinion and attitude ... so, we have to be a bit ‘canny’, not get too pushy ... even when ... especially when we can - not to be too quick to say something irrefutable. It’s so subtle, especially when we’re talking to a friend, and they may already know where we stand.
I find in an ordinary, everyday conversation I’m largely unselfconscious, in as much as I speak spontaneously. When you think about it, it’s incredible - you say something and before I’ve thought up a reply I’ve already replied. In less ordinary conversations, where I know I’m not so confident on contentious subjects, I still need to be speedy, otherwise you’ll think I need time to make up my mind, but I know my agenda will light up to make me more confident but also to let me think, “Ah, I can get the animal thing in here”.
When I say something provocative, and Animal Rights is redolent with provocation, I might express an opposing view, but by expressing it too hard I can strain my relationship or friendship. And it works in the opposite way too. I hate offending anyone least of all friends, but I don’t like inhibiting my freedom of speech. I don’t like walking on egg shells. with everything becoming too tentative. Nothing useful is being achieved.
My sister is a parent of adult children and I think she has to hold her tongue sometimes, to minimise any strain on her relations with her over-confident offspring - if an argument arises, and the younger person’s defence barriers go up too quickly, the parent ‘smells’ danger. They’re obliged to back off.
So, what I’m saying is that it’s rather the same when trying to talk (to the uninitiated) about animal rights or vegan principles. I get into scrapes. I forget I’m in a delicate position. Then I realise, usually too late, I must defuse the situation before it flares up. I’m only mentioning this because I know things can get dangerous ... when discussing Animal Rights.