Article 9. Conversation, Argument and Debate

Conversing is what we do all the time. We enjoy chatting to one another. Conversations are useful for working out what we think and how others are thinking … and indeed how they feel about us. But if we are too intent on talking about one favourite subject, we might be regarded as a bore. Especially if we show no interest in what others are saying. When we are coming from a minority view, and a moral one at that, no one is going to be happy if we grab all the airspace. It will be noticed. As soon as we start criticising someone for eating meat or condoning animal cruelty they’ll want to stop us. If we don’t stop at their warning there’s likely to be a flare-up.
A light hearted chat between two people with opposing ideas, can soon enough turn into a full blown fight. To avoid this happening we have to ask ourselves some honest questions. Did I come with an agenda? Was I trying to manoeuvre things in order to make my speech? Did I have any thought as to how it might feel to others when I am confronting them? Did the tone in my voice seem like an attack? Do I expect them to listen to me?
However good my arguments may be, can I afford to be too cocky or too embarrassing when I know they will want nothing better than to burst my bubble? They’ll fight me if they have to, to defend themselves against my bullying. And even if I am not a bully, even if I’m as nice as pie, this subject (ethics, animals, animal food, farms, slaughtering) is not a lightweight subject. It’s about a whole way of life, and if people feel generally okay about their life, they’re not going to give way easily or casually pick up this "good" idea, just because we’ve bludgeoned them with it.
We can converse, we can argue, we can debate our case patiently, point by point, but it may not touch others where it counts if they feel negatively about us. If we do get to discuss this subject and if things get heated, how do we stop them becoming personal or even violent? If we’re the salesperson wanting results, we can expect our adversary to feel like a customer being pitched-at.
So, where does it come from, this determination to say our piece, to sell a belief, even to provoke someone in order to get a reaction? Why, when things aren’t going our way, will we confront aggressively? Or if the shoe is on the other foot and it’s us being confronted, what does that feel like and how do we handle it? If we do take our conversation out to the edge, how do we pull back in time? How do we let any bad feelings blow over, especially within that vital microsecond, before we’ve gone too far? Why would we even care? It comes back to things getting personal. Judging values. Becoming antagonistic towards someone because of the attitudes they have. This is why having a foundation of non-violence, grounding everything we do or say, is so important.