Affection and disaffection

The affection and intimacy we reserve for our much loved pet could be the same as with our fellow humans, neighbours and work colleagues. But we’re not quite there yet. We aren’t so intimate that we could meet another human and automatically tickle him/her under the chin or stroke his/her hair (as we do with dogs). We are too reserved with each other. Unless it’s a strong sexual attraction, in our human relationships we don’t always act spontaneously. We pre-think our actions, perhaps because we are afraid of one another. “Shall I be firm with the child or draw out their inner kindness?”. “Shall I trust my neighbour or set up rules of engagement?”. Our first thoughts run to safeguards - being prepared for the nasty side in people. It’s dangerous to trust. A dog is so loyal and guileless that however friendly we are they always want more of the same. But with most humans it isn’t so. We think that if we get too friendly, people will think we have ulterior motives. And if too trusting, then we’ll be taken advantage of. So, we stay detached and defensive.
But if we would like to see non-violence get a foothold then trust is essential. We can make a start by giving other people the benefit of the doubt. By looking for their good points and not immediately finding fault we give them a chance to show their best side. And if violence creeps in, we overcome the worst of it by showing affection.
Is this approach a luxury? Do we typecast people, do we say, here’s a meat-eater so they must be nasty types, so best not to trust them? Without trust (and because we lose patience so quickly) we revert to type: we show the hard side of our self. We prefer to fight the enemy rather than find avenues for peace-making. Once we make that decision, to no longer be intimate and affectionate, to behave coldly instead, we blow our chances of making progress and step into disaffection.