Why vegans go out on a limb

The group. My group. It’s nice to belong, to be amongst people I can identify with. Even nicer to feel special. Most of us want to be part of the group and be approved of, to be well thought of, by family, friends or even by our town. And what wouldn’t we do to be famous in our own country? The bigger the group that 'knows us' the more special we feel. Some people will sell their soul for fame.
But when that prize is stained, when the goals of our society seem wrong and we have to turn away, then we might have to face people’s misunderstanding of us. This isn’t so pleasant. It’s the opposite of approval. It’s a feeling of being alienated, and that’s real punishment. No one wants to be excluded or to stand out like a freak. So, most of us do what others do. We dress the same, talk the same, behave the same … that is, until we come to something we can’t accept and must speak out against, even if we are going to be judged for it. Not everyone who wants to stand up for a principle is strong enough to maintain their stand if they get an unpleasant reaction. Especially if it seems unfair. It’s the unfairness that makes us angry, even if it’s only because we are being ignored.
Animal rights advocates have to put up with this. They feel like victims, so they react, and in so doing become victimisers; they are judged by society for following their principles and in turn judge people who don’t agree with them. It’s like a deadly no-win game we play with our adversaries: it starts off reasonably enough but if it turns aggressive, dialogue stops and we become ineffective. Unfortunately some of us get aggressive in order to make ourselves heard and to show how deeply we feel about animal rights issues, and then it becomes a fine line between being assertive and becoming violent. To be outrageously noisy is one thing but to make value judgements to the faces of the people we talk with is usually counter productive.
Today, in a place I was working in, the occupant said to me “I hear you are a vegetarian” and I hit back with “Yes, I don’t eat what you eat”. That was rude. Of course I smoothed it over but I felt ashamed about this – I was put out because he’d been cooking beef for his lunch and I couldn’t stand the smell and had to go out for about an hour, never of course saying a word about it, it being his place after all.
As soon as there’s any disapproval in our voice, however convincing our argument may be, the message gets lost in the delivery. And when it fails to get across we aren’t much help to the animals. And we get a reputation of being a bit aggressive, and in that way we lose support.